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Are you sick of other religious practitioners praying in dangerous situations with no resources whilst you scramble around to find something which looks ANYTHING like an athame?  Well no more my friend.... It’s finally here! For all you drop-dead Druids and whacked out Wiccans who can't bear leaving home without your tools of the trade I present to you: THE MINI ALTAR

It may look like a see through minty fresh container which can fit into the palm of your hand... but wait. Like a cunning transformer there is more than meets the eye! But this time, it’s not a robot!

Yes, I kid you not. Each of these items can fit inside that small box.  Still not catching on yet? Let me break it down in 10 easy steps.

1. Salt - The eternal cleanser appears here in the form of a salt packet from your local fast food restaurant. Price = £FREE
2. Handy Handy Container - It may be minty, but it sure is compact.  This baby keeps your altar SAFE. Price = £0.50
3. Altar Cloth - A simple piece of material from your mothers sewing box. Price = £0.10
4. Pentagram - And the penny drops here, perm mark right over the Queens face. Divine right of the Royals my ass. Price = £0.01
5. Sword - Remember your old Lego set? Get it out of the Attic! Price = £0.50 (On eBay)
6. Chalice - The eraser cap off your old mechanical pencil will do the trick. Expensive though! Price = £2.00
7. Wand - Half a match! Say no more! Plus one to light the candles Price = £0.01 * 1.5 = £0.015
8. Athame - Don't put that Lego set away just yet. A half cut katana could be what you're looking for! Price = £0.50 (On eBay)
9. Bell - A kitten’s collar bell will do the trick. Price = £0.50 (On eBay)
10. Candles - Finally the candles to complete the scene! Super-glued to the Altar cloth of course! Price = £0.20

Mini Altar cost = £4.32

But what does it look like? The answer... well I invented it didn't I?  It looks amazing!

Best of all it even holds its presence in the dark.

This is clearly one small step for altars and one giant leap for pagan kind. In the words of the Messiah known as Neil Buchanan: "Try it yourself!"  Maybe we can even post others in a later issue.

But why stop there? How about decreasing the budget...£2.50? Or even the size…in a matchbox? The possibilities are endless.

So there you have it, the mini altar. If you found this entertaining, look out for more of my crazy ideas, next time I’m drunk!

Blessed Be

Andrew Thomas