A Pagan without Gods

This essay will explore some of the reasons why I call myself a pagan, but have no belief in gods, or, indeed, goddesses. I would imagine that the majority of people, pagan or otherwise, would expect a pagan to have a belief in some kind of deity, however I do not think this is necessary. I think a key word here is 'belief' defined as 'the mental action, condition, or habit, of trusting to or confiding in a person or thing; trust, dependence, reliance, confidence, faith,' (OED). I am not the kind of person that will accept the existence of something, such as deities, on the authority of another. As yet I have had no experiential proof of the existence of a deity; if that happens then I will have to revise my opinions, but I do not feel that that proof is necessary to my calling myself a pagan.

Apart from not having faith in the existence of gods or goddesses I also have problems with the idea of deities. In ancient times various natural occurrences were attributed to gods or goddesses, such as the rising of the sun, rain, fertility and so on, all phenomena that we now have scientific explanations for. This makes me question why one would wish to worship these deities: the sun rises because the Earth orbits the sub whilst turning on its axis, therefore why believe that a god carries it across the sky in a chariot, for example. Furthermore, why do we not have new gods for our times - we could have a god of genetics or a goddess of television (not that I would worship her anyway, but that's another rant!). There are of course some deities that represent concerns that are largely immortal, such as love or war for which this would not apply.

One of the ways around this problem is the view that 'all gods are one god and all goddesses are one goddess.' I find this a flawed argument that is essentially duo-theistic. It seems faintly ridiculous to attribute all the meanings, representations and domains of all female deities into one given the immense differences between them, and similarly for all the male deities. Furthermore, all these gods that are apparently one god come from deeply polytheistic places; the ancient pagans did believe in many separate, discrete and living gods and goddesses, who were most definitely not the same person. It therefore seems to me to be a travesty of history to assert that 'all gods are one god and all goddesses are one goddess.' In this vein there is an entertaining conversation between a reconstructionist pagan and neopagan on the net along the lines of:
Neopagan: I believe in the God and Goddess.
Recon Pagan: which?
Neopagan: The God and Goddess.
Recon Pagan: yes, which?
You get the picture! (p198.ezboard.com/ fthelionsgrovediscussionfrm25.showMessage?topicID=13.topic)

Another issue I have with 'the god and goddess' is that it separates male and female. I won't elaborate this too much here - you can see my previous article 'The God, the Goddess and Queer Theory'. However, I do not believe that there are any inherent differences between men and women (everything is socially constructed) therefore it makes little sense to me to gender deities. Why is the case that it is goddesses that are seen to represent, for example, fertility? Last time I checked men also needed to be fertile in order for children to be conceived! So why are there no gods associated with fertility? Also, the god and goddess, particularly in Wicca are very much heterosexual, something which creates problems if you are not straight. This is not to say that Wiccans are homophobic, just that the theology of Wicca displays a heterosexual bias. Within this framework it seems that current stereotypes of male and female have been transposed onto the god and goddess respectively; this is not something that I am prepared to go along with.

Now, to what I believe. My way into paganism was through nature; both my ecological beliefs and a sense of spirituality and power when outside, particularly in wild areas. For me the closest I get to worshiping a deity is Gaia - that is the view that the Earth is one large interconnected eco-system. I share with paths such as druidry and wicca a deep respect for nature and believe that one should try to leave as small an environmental footprint on the planet as possible. I do not, however, see the need to transfer my sense of spirituality into a belief in gods and goddesses. The reason that I still call myself a pagan, even though I lack a belief in gods or goddesses, is that I see nature as inherently spiritual and can experience my interconnectedness with my surroundings. It is this that draws me closer to Druidry than any other path I have come across as there is more of an emphasis on personal growth and spiritual development than belief in any particular deity.

Disclaimer: These are purely my opinions and what works for me. I am not saying worshipping deities is wrong, silly or anything else like that - if it works for you, then great; maybe you can try and persuade a cynic like me! However, as yet it doesn't work for me.