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The Weird-a-Pagan-ometer!

Do you have a sneaking suspicion that the newcomer to your coven/circle isn't quite all there? Let me guess: you can't quite place your finger on what's wrong? Well here's just the thing for you, from somebody who's been there, and done that, and has actually had to share a house with one of these:

The Weird-a-Pagan-ometer!

This handy little checklist will alert you to the signs and symptoms of what is currently termed the Weird-a-Pagan! Simply add one point for every 'Yes' answer, or add extra points and take them off based on what each question instructs.

1)	Does he/she claim to be King Arthur / Aleister Crowley / Morgan Le Fey / Merlin reincarnated?
		Bonus point if he/she has convinced others of this.
		Extra bonus point if he/she has also managed to attract followers with this.
2)	Does he/she claim to be The One / The Keeper of Secrets / The Changer of the Ways / Saviour of the World / Leader of Atlantis?
3)	Does he/she claim to have powers that no other mortal can ever dream to possess?
		Bonus point if he/she attempts to demonstrate said powers.
		Take off 10 points if said powers actually turn out to be real!
4)	Does he/she boast about all the demons / evil minions / mean astral entities they've killed?
		One point if they say they do this in waking life;
		Two points if in their dreams / on the astral.
5)	Does he/she proudly show you his/her astral sword/shield... which doesn't exist?
		Bonus point if he/she gives you a neat demonstration of said sword.
		Extra bonus point it they add sound effects to the demonstration.
6)	Has he/she shown you a 'language' they've channeled from the Ancients?
		Bonus point if they've translated it.
		Extra bonus point if you recognize said language from Stargate.
7)	Add one point for every 'magical ability' he/she claims to possess in this list:
		Miraculous healer
		Empath
		Mind reader
		Telepathy
		Telekinesis
		Mind control
		Can create psi-balls
		Vampirism
		Can access Akashic records
		Control of weather
		He/she is a 'Battle Mage'
		Can raise the dead
8)	Does he/she claim to be guarded by powers / creatures / the Ancients / a special shield?
9)	Does he/she claim to be being watched by the FBI / CIA?
		Bonus 5 points if they really are being watched!
10)	Does he/she regularly learn about a totally new subject one night, only to come back a day later and claim to be the world's best expert on the subject?
11)	Has he/she ever tried to convince the coven's High Priest/ess or group leader to 'step down' since he/she is obviously the one meant to be in charge?
12)	Has he/she ever claimed to be abducted by aliens?
		Bonus point if the abduction was to 'brief' him/her about their 'new objectives' here on earth.
13)	Does he/she believe anything David Icke writes?
		Bonus point if he/she claims to have actually seen the lizardmen that supposedly run the Universe.
14)	Is he/she still going through a time of belated teen angst?
15)	Has he/she ever tried to summon a demon?
		Bonus point if they tried this without a magic circle.
16)	Is he/she an incarnated elemental / an alien / incarnated angel here to protect mankind?
17)	Has he/she ever predicted the end of the world?
		Bonus point if they gave an exact date.

Their score:

0-10 points:	Totally normal - we all have our moments though.
11-25 points:	Uh-oh... watch out there! This person isn't too delusional, but they are in danger of heading down the slippery slope towards being completely astral-charmed. A gentle hand and firm words can bring this person back down to earth. (And if not, run like buggery!)
26+ points:	Not. A. Chance. In. Hell. This person is too far gone: they can't be brought back from La-La Land by anybody but themselves, and that won't occur until they've found themselves a real purpose in life. Until then though, take my advice: ignore them, let 'em get on with it, and try to be as far away as possible when they finally implode. (They're going to get worse before they get better!)

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