The All-Seeing Eye

Greetings once more, Illuminated Ones!

I am pleased to note that our plans are advancing better than we could have hoped. Our agents in the financial sector are spreading chaos and panic on an almost daily basis and the collapse of the global economy must surely occur soon. Naturally we are in an excellent position to profit from this crisis. Even as I write our speculators are manipulating the markets to make vast sums of money for our order. The Gnomes of Zurich have already agreed to hide our loot in untraceable bank accounts. We have even managed to force the Republicans to nationalise Fannie and Freddie! I do love a good dose of irony with my conspiracies.

I am pleased to see that our agents in China have ensured that no other country can host the Olympics without bankrupting themselves. And what a showcase it was for our new generation of undetectable performance enhancing drugs! Now all we need to do is develop a drug that allows ugly children with beautiful singing voices to look good on national TV.

Talking of TV, I am very pleased with our agents in the media. The latest Big Brother was a triumph for nasty, exploitative "entertainment" which marks a new low in taste and decency. A few more series like that and the moral fabric of the British nation will be corrupted for good.

I note that our agents have also managed to successfully subvert the Liberal Democrats and turn them into Tory-lite. With the three main parties now commited to Thatcherite policies, Britain's decline looks increasingly inevitable.

I am very disappointed with our brethren in America, however. How could they have allowed a black man to become a presidential candidate? The NRA has some serious explaining to do. Still, at least we managed to get trailer trash accepted for the Republican vice-presidential candidate. If the red-neck vote fails, we'll just get Jeb to rig the election again.

Overall, we are making excellent progress towards our long term goals. I have no doubt that by the middle of the century the grip of the Illuminati will be tighter than it ever was. Keep up the good work, my brethren, and together we can immanetise the Eschaton!

Note

This pamphlet was delivered to the editorial offices by an anonymous midget who was shortly thereafter kidnapped by the Ukrainian Stae Circus, where his memory was wiped and he faces a lifetime of custard pies being forced down his trousers. How do I know this? That would be telling...