The All-Seeing Eye

Greetings from the Bavarian mountains!

Illuminated Brethren, it is time to present the latest progress report on our plans for world domination. I think you will all agree that our recent results have been most satisfying. The collapse of the American sub-prime market and subsequent credit crunch show that economic sabotage is still our most powerful weapon. We even managed to take out a British bank. Usually we need to infiltrate an agent into the stock market to achieve that kind of damage. I am also very happy with the way in which we managed to distribute the effects all over the globe. No one knows who will be affected next and chaos reins in financial markets. Of course, it would have been impossible to achieve such good results without the cooperation of the banking system. This shows how useful the exploitation of human greed can be.

Unfortunately its not all good news. The German tax authorities are clamping down on the gnomes of Lichtenstein and a substantial proportion of our assets risk exposure. We may have to transfer funds back into the British banking system as their offshore systems are still discreet enough for our purposes.

I would like to take this opportunity to mention Frater Castro. He has decided to retire after more than fifty years of tireless effort on our behalf. His contributions to the Illuminated world order have been immense and he will be sorely missed. Maybe we could all have a whip round and buy him a South American dictatorship to retire to?

Meanwhile, the Middle East is still bubbling along nicely. Armageddon is right on schedule, though sometimes it is necessary to apply the brakes. Our agents in the region can sometimes be a little over enthusiastic, shall we say. We don't want to start things up until we are ready to emerge from the shadows and take over the ruins of Western civilisation, after all.

Time to sign off now. Keep up the good work and see you all at the next meeting. If anyone has any ideas about how to deal with those German tax inspectors please forward them to the usual address.

Fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord fnord

(This document was discovered in a fortune cookie in China town some days ago. Seemingly coincidentally, a fortune cookie writer was found dead in a skip shortly afterwards. The intrepid journalist who brought you this story is about to go into hiding at an undisclosed location. Fnord)