Film Review: The Da Vinci Code

Just in case you've been living in Siberia for five years, this is the film adaptation of the Opus Dei-bothering best seller by Dan Brown.  The novel is well written in a best-seller-by-the-numbers kind of way, and is obvious Hollywood thriller material.  Unfortunately the movie is merely tedious.  For a start, it is at least half an hour too long.

Ian McKellen is the only real reason to watch this film. He steals every scene he is in and is obviously having a whale of a time. Everybody else is trying so hard to be earnest that they forget to be entertaining.  Tom Hanks leaves a lot to be desired. He is a fine actor, but here he seems to be sleepwalking.  Maybe he wishes he was in a different movie?  If I was hunted by both the Surete and a psychopathic albino I'm sure that my reaction would be more forceful than "meh".  He is also incapable of pronouncing the word "Templar" correctly, and should win an Oscar for Worst Haircut in a Movie.

Audrey Tatou is merely pretty, and seems incapable of finishing a crossword, let alone unravelling a conspiracy.  Paul Bettany is vaguely interesting as the Opus Dei assassin Silas, and has the one genuinely scary moment.

To be fair, the film is beautifully photographed and well scored.  The problem is that Ron Howard doesn't understand the potential of his material.  In a number of places you think that something exciting is going to happen, and then it doesn't.  The film is also unintentionally funny in a number of places.  At the start our hero and heroine are in a car being pursued by the police, and you think "Oh good, a car chase".  Then you see that they are in a BMW SMART CAR(!) and the action loses all credibility.  Scenes like this occur throughout the film, and make it impossible to suspend disbelief.  There is also a really annoying special effect which is repeatedly used in an effort to represent Langdon's eidetic memory, but ends up looking like the film has been double-exposed with a History Channel docu-drama.

Overall, this film is a big disappointment.  As a Hollywood blockbuster it fails and as an examination of the nature of religious belief it is unconvincing.  Read the book instead.