Deck Review: "Love is in the Earth Crystal Tarot"

AKA Fluffbunny Thelemites: The Worst Tarot Deck in the World

Aleister Crowley’s Thoth tarot is still deeply influential, and is regarded by many tarot enthusiasts as a masterpiece, combining beautiful artwork with complex esoteric philosophy. So it’s a brave tarot designer who decides to announce that their deck is the successor to Crowley’s.

Will this deck live up to its claims, and be a worthy revision of Crowley’s ideas?

Here’s a big, monumental clue: it’s called the Love Is In The Earth Crystal Tarot.

Run that title a couple of times through your brain, try repeating it out loud, and just contemplate the sheer atrociousness of what is implied by the title Love Is In The Earth Crystal Tarot. Then, as the sense of godawful New Age fluffy-wuffiness seeps in, please ensure that you’re nowhere near any power drills, just so you don’t wind up attempting self-trepanation when the horror hits.

But wait, maybe I’m being over-harsh, and the deck isn’t as bad all that. Maybe we shouldn’t judge it by the title. Or by the fact that the author is called “Melody”. Or by the fact that she includes musical notes as part of her name.

Nope. It’s just as piss-awful as the name suggests. It’s Crowley’s Thoth deck with all the complex esoterica slung out and replaced with New Age bubbly optimism. Oh yes, and it’s full of crystals. Crystals! Sodding crystals!

Take card XI of the major arcana - traditionally called Strength and renamed Lust by Aleister Crowley. Melody has renamed it too, only she’s called it Enthusiasm. It looks like this:

Is it just me, or does the girl on the card look rather, ahem, enthusiastic to be riding that giant crystal?

Changing Lust to Enthusiasm pretty much sums up the ethos of the deck. Everything is sweetness, light and bubbly fun. The darker side of the human personality apparently doesn’t exist. We’re all living in Happy Happy Joy Joy Land. Oh yes.

The standard of artwork never goes above atrocious. Look at the Fool card above. It’s got rainbows in it! Rainbows! What the hell is this? Thelema: The Tweenies Edition?  "Come along boys and girls! Let’s go play at Uncle Aleister’s Party Funhouse! See Uncle Aleister! See Uncle Aleister’s goat! See the goat run! See Uncle Aleister grab the goat! See…oh.”

Oh yes, did I forget to mention what they’ve done to the suit of swords?

No, all the bright colours haven’t caused you to hallucinate. That really does say King of Crystal Lasers.

Crystal.

Lasers…

AARGH MY MIND IS MELTING! MY MIND IS MEEEEELLLLTTTING!!!

But maybe I’m being unfair on this deck. We should order a batch of the Love Is In The Earth Crystal Tarot decks and drop them off at various OTO and Golden Dawn lodges. Then, if we go back a couple of weeks later we’ll be greeted by hardcore Thelemites grinning inanely, wearing kaftan and telling us, “Here. Have some cookies. I’ve empowered them with love and light!”

Or maybe not.